i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
