Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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