I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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