I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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