It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
