it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
