ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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