would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
