so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize