He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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