areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
