BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize