Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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