Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
