Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
