i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
