I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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