My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
