she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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