So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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