I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize