Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
