Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
