do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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