she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
