my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
