When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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