I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
