I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
