walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
