how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
