I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
