All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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