My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
