I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
