I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
