I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
