ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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