I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
there's paper in my vomit.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
