So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
