Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
