my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
