This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
