meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
