Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can I color on your dick again?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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