i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
