great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize