Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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