what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
