I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
