jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
