Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
