Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
