I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
