Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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