i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
