Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I did not marry a roomba.
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