Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
