Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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