Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize