she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
