I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
