Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
