Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize