Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
