3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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