DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
