I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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