I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
