I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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