So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
