So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
