I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
