A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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