I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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