At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
