brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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